Back in 1991 I was working for a telephone company as their computer/network/help-
desk person. One night I was required to work when no one was there to install some
required software. I was quite happily working away when suddenly I felt a tingling
crawling from the base of my skull up and gradually stopping at the hairline. While this
was happening two fingers on my right hand quit working. It was only for a couple of
seconds, but it was alarming. When I got home I told my husband about it and asked
what that disease was that affected people in their middle years. He suggested
Muscular Dystrophy but that was not the one I was thinking of. I could not remember
the name for it. The following weeks became more and more worrying. The 'spells'
occurred more and more frequently. I found I could not walk in a straight line
- I needed a wall on the right side to bounce off because I found that while
walking I 'drifted' to the right. The doctor sent me to an Ear, Nose and Throat
specialist who suspected an inner ear infection. We waited the 2-3 weeks for the
symptoms to go but they never did. So the doctor ran a ct-scan on me to check for
tumours. None were found. He then sent me to a neurologist who listened to my
symptoms, ran some quick tests on me and said that he was pretty sure he knew
what was wrong but wanted to run a MRI and a Evoked Response test on me to really
prove his initial diagnoses. The tests were scheduled for the following Tuesday as
we were going into a long weekend.

The following Tuesday I had both tests done and we met with the neurologist.
He looked at the test results and then explained that I had Multiple Sclerosis. I said,
"That's it, that is the disease that I was trying to remember." I was relieved. I realise
that it is an unusual reaction but I did not want an operation on my head and had spent
many nights worrying about that possibility. I could live with MS, sure it was a
debilitating disease, but because it was slow, it gave one a chance to adjust. I could do
that. It took three months to diagnose the disease, on average it takes a lot longer -
sometimes five years. The 1^st treatment that I received was a drug called
methylprednisolone which is given intravenously over 5 days, 1gm a day. The
treatment was done in hospital the first time in case I reacted badly to the drug.
I reacted well and the symptoms disappeared over the next two weeks. Life returned to
reasonably normal health. While I was in hospital, a lovely lady who was the hospital's
chaplain visited me. We had a number of conversations and I began to think of
God again.

When I was 14, I decided I knew what it meant to be a Christian, I believe in Jesus
and wanted him to be a part of my life. So I became a Christian. Over the following
years, I would go to church, go to Christian youth camps, Christian family camps,
retreats, tent meetings and so on. But the one thing I did very little of, was to
fully trust God, I was to independent, I could do things on my own. So when I was
diagnosed with MS - I wanted to get right with God. I had stopped going to church
many years before, I had very few close friends, my husband and I were having marital
problems - I was a very lonely woman.

Denis (my husband at the time who does not believe in God) told one of his colleagues
about my desire to find a church. His friend said "Why doesn't she come with Colleen
and I to our church" so I went with them. When the service started I felt I had come
home. I had. The following years to 1997 were generally rocky. I found that I would
have an MS relapse about twice a year, but with a bit of rest, prayer, and building
friendships I would get through it. I spent more time getting to know God and
getting to know myself.

Then in April of 1997 another relapse started. I was due to fly over to visit family in
the U.S. in May so when I visited the neurologist he suggested using
methylprednisolone to stop it in its tracks - I agreed, so the following
Friday (April 4) I started the first of the five treatments. I did not have
to stay overnight in hospital. I could go to the day hospital, have the I.V.
and go home. Saturday, Sunday and Monday there were no problems the treatment
went smoothly, or so it seemed.

I woke up 2am Tuesday morning with a headache that would not allow me to function.
Someone was hammering a pick into my temples. All I could do was call out "help me,
help me, help me". Denis helped me out of bed, left me to put on my housecoat, backed
the car out of the garage and rushed me to the nearest hospital. After a while the staff
gave me something to kill the pain, the local doctor said it was a migraine in spite of the
fact that I had never suffered a migraine before. Once the pain was gone I could
function again, I was able to drive to the other hospital Tuesday morning for the
last I.V. treatment, and I worked on my cross-stitch. Everything seemed to be OK.

Because of the headache I had gotten leave from work for Wednesday as well. I slept in
a bit and Denis left for work. About 9:00 I got up to make a cup of tea. I looked at the
electric kettle and could not remember what I needed to do to turn it on, no matter how
I looked at it I could not remember. I barely remembered how to ring Denis; I had stored
his number with his name on the speed dial. All I could remember was to push the
button that had his name by it. I did, Denis could not leave work right away so
he suggested I call one of the pastor's wives to come and sit with me. I explained
to him I did not remember how to dial the phone, he asked me to look up her number
(I found this very hard to do) and he rang her for me. He rang back and said he
would come home at lunch and that Jennifer would stay with me until noon.

Jennifer arrived at 10:00 or so, she made tea, and we sat and talked until she had to
leave. When she left I saw her to the door then went and sat down for 20 minutes or so.
I had carefully watched Jennifer heat up the water so now I was going to try making
tea for myself. I got up out of the chair, walked toward the kitchen and woke up in
Denis's car. He had come home and found me passed out in the living room. He put me
in his car and driven to the neurologist's office 20 minutes away. I came to in the
back seat of the car with the neurologist bending over me. He felt I had had a
reaction to the methylprednisolone so he put me on prednisone to alleviate any
further reaction.

I was still confused on Thursday, April 10. Denis was worried about the confusion
and took me to Dr. Andrews again who ordered a CT-Scan. The scan showed a brain
haemorrhage located in a major part of the language centre at the back left side
of my head. Dr. Andrews decided not to do anything as the haemorrhage was a couple
of days old and I was not showing any problems other than confusion. I do not
remember being at his office or the scan. I vaguely remember being at home, but
that is all.

Saturday morning I got up at about 8:30am to see to something (don't remember)
walked through the hallway into the living room. I came to on my back, my eyes closed,
I was so tired. I barely had energy to open them a tiny bit. Everything was dim and
without colour. "So this is what it's like to die, I'm not ready to die yet Lord." I thought
and closed my eyes again. The next thing I remember is waking up in the neurological
ward intensive care. I was warm, I was comfortable, and people were taking care of me.
I was not scared; I was not worried, I knew God was there with me. I found out later
that Denis had rung mom and she had put me on the prayer network in the U.S. and
had asked Denis to ring our churches prayer chain and put me on that prayer
network as well, which he did. There were people praying for me in both
hemispheres.

Denis visited me and told me what had happened. He had heard a loud bang and had
rushed in and found me passed out in the living room again. He put me in the car and
this time he rushed me to emergency at the hospital where I was getting the MS
treatment - about 25 minutes travelling at the speed limit. He had made the trip in 15.
In emergency they had done another CT-Scan of the brain haemorrhage. It was
2cm (0.80in) x 3cm (1.20in) x 4cm (1.60in) and that size did not include the surrounding
oedema (body fluid). That night I had another bad headache. The doctors were very
concerned because during the headaches my blood pressure would reach 210/140.
They gave me some codine and the pain gradually subsided. With the pain going,
my blood pressure gradually returned to normal. April 14 they moved out of
intensive care to a shared room. I did not have a headache the next day.

The room was occupied by an elderly Greek woman who had suffered a stroke. She
had pneumonia as well and was not expected to live. Her daughter stayed with her day
and night and was very distraught. We talked about God and His love for us; I met her
family and one of the sons - Con. Con and I had discussions about the Holy Spirit and
His Gifts. Con and his family loved the Lord and were very excited about what God was
doing. I was glad to be in the room with the dieing woman and her daughter. I felt that
the daughter was having a very hard time coming to terms with her mother's death and it
gave me a chance to pray for the daughter. Con said his grandmother was a person
who loved the Lord.

In the following days I found that I would have a bad headache every other day.
The headaches would come on very quickly. I would be OK one minute and then in 15
seconds I would have a massive headache which would last until the codine took effect.
Friends visited me and gave me encouragement. I never felt alone. Wednesday
morning, (16 April) the neurologist and the neurosurgeon visited me. They were
deeply concerned and discussed the fact that I was a hairs breadth away from
having brain surgery. They expressed a lot of reluctance operating on that
area, as it was not an area to mess with and the skull was very hard at the
back of the head. They arranged for me to have an angiogram on the Friday,
which showed normal blood circulation to the left side of the brain. They
could not find the cause of the haemorrhage and part of the angiogram was
not clear because of the haemorrhage.

One day a nurse came and asked if they could move me to another ward
as they needed the bed, I had had a headache that day and when I told her she did not
want to move me. I did not want to go - I wanted to be in the room with the dieing
person so that I could pray for her daughter and have a better idea of what I needed
to pray. Then the nursing staff wanted to move me to another room in the ward but I
said that if the family was happy for me to be there, I would like to stay. I wanted
to be there to pray for the family. I was not afraid or uncomfortable with death.
My father had died of cancer when I was 16 and I know that death is a door to another
experience. So I stayed in the same room, and prayed for the daughter and her family.
On Sunday the doctor came and said that they were releasing me. I had had an
especially viscous headache that afternoon but they needed the bed and except that
my headaches continued occurring every other day they could not find the problem.
Denis arranged to come and pick me up at 9:30 Tuesday morning. The Greek lady died
at 8:30 that morning.

I believe that God kept me in that room so that I could pray for the daughter and her
family. Con told me their last name but I don't remember it. One of the problems with
MS for me is the short term memory loss. I will loose track of what I am doing. I
remember important occurrences in my life but have difficulty remembering day to
day happenings.

I visited the neurologist on the second Wednesday after getting out of hospital and he
told me that from the symptoms he believed I had an AVM (arteriovenus malformation)
and he wanted me to have another angiogram in 3 months time after the haemorrhage
had dissolved. He said the headaches would most likely continue but the last bad one I
had was in hospital the day before I got out. He did not let me fly out to the U.S. on the
5^th May but suggested that I visit him on the 15^th for a checkup. I did and had recovered enough that he allowed me to visit my family for
6 weeks. When I returned to Australia, I had the required angiogram. Everything was
normal. There was brain damage due to the haemorrhage but I was gradually recovering.
There were two things that amazed the doctors -

If you are searching and don't know where to turn - turn to Jesus - he is waiting.

"Behold! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." Revelations 3:21

Here is a prayer for you to follow if you are having trouble finding the words.

Lord Jesus, come into my heart this day. I've tried to make it on my own and have
found that I can't do it, I can't cope, everything is grey. I've sinned against you, I've
turned away from what is right so often, please help me. Forgive me Lord. Help me
to know what is right and to follow you. Amen